Posted on by Barista Life

Top 117 Coffee Quotes

117 Coffee Quotes

The world loves two things: coffee and quotes.  Barista Life put together the best coffee quotes ever.  The best, funniest and most clever quotes about coffee are...

1. Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.

Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.

- Alphonse Allais

2. I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.

- T.S. Eliot


3. Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh


4. Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever

- David Letterman


5. I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.

I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon

- Ronald Regan


6. If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee

- Abraham Lincoln


7. A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems

- Alfred Renyi


8. He was my cream, and I was his coffee - And when you poured us together, it was something.

He was my cream, and I was his coffee - And when you poured us together, it was something

- Josephine Baker


9. Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries

- Bill Cosby


10. Humanity runs on coffee.

Humanity runs on coffee

- Unknown


11. I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ’Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.’

Because you can lose it.’ Jim Carrey

- Jim Carrey


12. A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.

- Garrison Keillor


13. Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.

- Edward Abbey


14. Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

- Dave Barry


15. Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard.

- Anne Spencer


16. Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

- Jean Kerr


17. Too much coffee. Too much coffee and Gatorade. It's a hell of a mix. If you're ever tired in the morning, just try that mix, and tell me what you think.

Kevin Garnett Quotes

- Kevin Garnett


18. A 41-inch bust and a lot of perseverance will get you more than a cup of coffee - a lot more.

- Jayne Mansfield


19. Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!

- Gerard Way


20. I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

- Eddie Izzard


21. I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee.

- Burt Lancaster


22. Tobacco, coffee, alcohol, hashish, prussic acid, strychnine, are weak dilutions. The surest poison is time.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson


23. When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.

- Emo Phillips


24. Townes van Zandt is the best songwriter in the whole world and I’ll stand on Bob Dylan’s coffee table in my cowboy boots and say that.

- Steve Earle


25. Kids are meeting in coffee shops and basements figuring out what's unsustainable in their communities. That's the future.

- Ian Somerhalder


26. I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

- Steven Wright


27. It is the folly of too many to mistake the echo of a London coffee-house for the voice of the kingdom.

- Jonathan Swift


28. The only time it’s acceptable to watch a barista at the bar is when you compliment their skills. “You’re so boss.”Barista Quotes

- Barista Life


29. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool

Coffee Jokes

- Barista Life


30. Coffee helps me maintain my “never killed anyone streak”

- Anonymous


31. Women aren’t supposed to make coffee…the Bible says, “He-brews”

- Anonymous


32. In dog coffees, I’ve only had one

- Anonymous


33. My birthstone is a coffee bean

- Anonymous


34. I put coffee in my coffee

- Anonymous


35. The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee

- Anonymous


36. Coffee is always a good idea

- Anonymous


37. Coffee, then adulting

- Anonymous


38. May your coffee be stronger than your toddler

- Anonymous


39. When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee

When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee

- Anonymous


40. Coffee, because crack is bad for you

- Anonymous


41. Here’s to all the people who remain unharmed because I have coffee and a sense of humor

- Anonymous


42. I’ve had so much coffee today I can see noises

- Anonymous


43. Coffee is a hug in a mug

- Anonymous


44. I want someone to look at me the way I look at coffee

I want someone to look at me the way I look at coffee

- Anonymous


45. Coffee, because it’s too early for wine

- Anonymous


46. If you are not coffee, chocolate or bacon, I’m going to need you to go away

- Anonymous


47. When my blood runs black as the moonless night, and my heartbeat sounds as the warriors’ march, only then may you say, I’ve had enough coffee

- Anonymous


48. Decaf coffee only works if you throw it at people

- Anonymous


49. If I were a wizard, I’m pretty sure my Patronus would be coffee

If I were a wizard, I’m pretty sure my Patronus would be coffee

- Anonymous


50. I don’t need to drink coffee to be awesome. I’m already awesome. But it’s more fun when I’m awesome and awake.

- Anonymous


51. Sometimes you gotta drink some coffee, put on some rock n’ roll, and handle your business

- Anonymous


52. You should know that before 10am, no matter what the question is, my answer is always coffee

- Anonymous


53. I pretend coffee helps, but I’m still a bitch

bitch coffee jokes

- Anonymous


54. Coffee helps me be less Brittney-2007

- Anonymous


55. I love my Saturday coffee the way I used to love Saturday morning cartoons

- Nanea Hoffman


56. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I’m going to be today

- Anonymous


57. Patience is the time between drinking a cup of coffee and the motivation to begin your day

- Anonymous


58. With enough coffee, I can dress myself and use my grown up manners

funny coffee quotes

- Anonymous


59. Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee…it’s called sleeping

- Anonymous


60. Life is what happens between coffee and wine

- Anonymous


61. AM- Coffee…PM- Still coffee

- Anonymous


62. May your coffee be strong, and your Monday be short

- Anonymous


63. I will start working when my coffee does

- Anonymous


64. Coffeeology: Espresso yourself. So many blends, so little time. Take life one sip at a time, and stay grounded. Better latte than never. Take time to smell the cover

- Anonymous


65. What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup

What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup

- Henry Rollins


66. Coffee is a language in itself

- Jackie Chan


67. I was taken by the power that savoring a simple cup of coffee can have to connect people and create community

- Howard Schultz


68. Coffee is the common man’s gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility.

- Sheik-Abd-al-Kadir


69. Coffee is the best medicine

- Anonymous


70. Three cups of coffee a day, keeps the doctor away!

Three cups of coffee a day, keeps the doctor away!

- Unknown


71. Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death and sweet as love.

- Turkish Proverb


72. This house runs on love, laughter and a whole lot of coffee.

- Unknown


73. But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all. New York has great water for coffee.

- David Lynch


74. To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.

Hugh Jackman Quotes

- Hugh Jackman


75. I judge a restaurant by the bread and the coffee.

- Burt Lancaster


76. Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.

- Thomas Jefferson


77. Coffee with a friend is like capturing happiness in a cup.

- Unknown


78. Love is in the air, and it smells like coffee.

- Unknown


79. Coffee isn’t a drug it’s a vitamin.

Coffee isn’t a drug it’s a vitamin

- Unknown


80. Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of goat.

- J.S. Bach


81. Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee

- Stephanie Piro


82. It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.

- Donna A. Favors


83. The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.

- Wendell Holmes Sr.


84. I’ll quit coffee. It won’t be easy drinking my Bailey’s straight, but I’ll get used to it. It’ll still be the best part of waking up.

- Megan Mullally


85. Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.

- Earl Wilson


86. Procaffeinating: The tendency to not start anything until you’ve had a cup of coffee

Procaffeinating is The tendency to not start anything until you’ve had a cup of coffee

- Unknown


87. Life happens, coffee helps

- Unknown


88. It’s strange how drinking 8 cups of water seems impossible but 8 cups of coffee go down like a chubby kid on a see-saw

- Unknown


89. A real prince brings coffee

- Unknown


90. When that first sip of coffee touches your soul…

- Unknown


91. Coffee helps me person, personing is hard without caffeine

- Unknown


92. I just like coffee, coffee is my favorite

- Unknown


93. Coffee; because hating your job should be done with enthusiasm

Truth about coffee quotes

- Unknown


94. Coffee, coffee! It’s our drink! If we don’t get it, we can’t think!

- Unknown


95. Friends bring happiness into your life. Best friends bring coffee.

- Unknown


96. There is no use crying over spilled milk…spilled coffee however, may get you stabbed

no use crying over spilled milk quotes

- Unknown


97. Life without coffee is like something without something…sorry, I haven’t had any coffee yet

- Unknown


98. Come here you giant cup of beautiful coffee and lie to me about how much were going to get done today

- Unknown


99. I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you

- Jac Vanek


100. Coffee is the gasoline of life

- Unknown


101. I eat salad everyday. Bean salad…Coffee bean salad…Coffee. I drink coffee everyday

- Unknown


102. I don’t need an inspirational quote, what I need is a freaking cup of coffee

- Unknown


103. Why, yes, I could start my day without coffee. But I like being able to remember things like how to say words and put on pants

- Nanea Hoffman


104. Want to hear a really dark joke?…Decaf

Decaf coffee jokes

- Unknown


105. I have measured out my life with coffee spoons

- T.S. Eliot


106. To make me happy: Make me coffee, bring me coffee, be coffee….coffee

- Unknown


107. Coffee! Because anger management is too expensive

- Unknown


108. Shhhh, don’t disturb me, I’m busy changing coffee into badassery

- Unknown


109. I don’t have enough coffee or middle fingers for today

- Unknown


110. A bad day with coffee is better than a good day without it

- Unknown


111. When you make it your habit to notice small moments of beauty, you caffeinated your spirit

- Unknown


112. Oh, what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful day. I’m drinking this whole pot of coffee. You better stay out of my way!

- Unknown


113. Dontcha wish your coffee was hot like me?

- Unknown


114. Shoutout to wifi, coffee and ambition

- Unknown


115. Instant Human! Just add coffee

- Unknown


116. The fact is, I don’t know where my ideas come from. Nor does any writer. The only real answer is to drink way too much coffee and buy yourself a desk that doesn’t collapse when you eat your head against it.

- Douglas Adams

117. Coffee, because crack isn't accepted in the workplace

- Barista Life